Working A Wedding

So working a wedding isn't really all that fun. The wedding itself is fun, kinda makes me want to have one, but that's a whole different story. :oP

My job at the wedding was to assist the photographer (yes, I know I am a photographer, but this guy is like... 6 years older then me, so he is SO much better then I am). I carried the equipment around, got the cameras ready for him, and so on. The thing I did like was when I got to actually shoot some stuff. I shot the actually wedding from the balconey. That was pretty cool. I also shot a couple of other things. Had the job been all that, I wouldn't have had a problem with. I know for sure that I wouldn't make a career out of wedding shoots, but it's definently something I could see doing on the side. I guess he gets paid around $2,500 per wedding. That is A LOT of money. That is just his fee, not supplies or equipment. I mean... holy crap! And that's low apparently. I guess some places charge over $5,000, easily. Kind of makes me want to be a wedding photographer, if for no other reason then the money.

The wedding itself was nice, but the place they had it in was friggin' hot. I don't think I've ever sweat this much. They kept turning the a/c down, but it didn't help. Plus my feet hurt from following the photographer around all night, not to mention my neck because of the equipment.

If there is one thing I did take away from the experience, it was that I do now know how to actually shoot a wedding, which opens up all kinds of possibilities. Assuming I can get the equipment, I could totally start doing weddings as a side gig next summer. I'm going to be doing several more weddings this summer, so that means more experience, and hopefully more shooting as well.

It felt good to be behind the camera again...

Weak and Powerless...

So I was going over my bills, assuming that I had everything under control, only to find out that I'm totally fucked in the ass. I can't believe I've let things get this bad. I don't know that I'm going to have enough money to pay my bills for the next month. I should have fucking taken the job at Walgreens, at least I would be making some money right now. But no, I had to go and fucking quit because I didn't think I wanted to work there. Well look where I am now. I can only hope that I make enough money in the next two weeks in order to pay my bills. This is not what I needed right now... FUCK!

My Life... RIGHT NOW

Ok, so my life right now is a little... discombobulated. I am working FOUR jobs. I work about 10 hours a week at the HSSE library. I spend two hours a day there, early in the morning, scanning barcodes on books. It's a real boring job. It doesn't pay well, and did I mention it's boring. The only reason I DO like this job is because it gets me up in the morning. It's nice to be awake at a decent time. It makes the day feel a lot longer.

I am also working free-lance for two photography studios. The first being Image Source, based here in Lafayette. This job isn't too bad. I'm mostly just covering weddings. I am pretty much scheduled to work every upcoming weekend doing this, and it pays well. My other free-lance job is with Crabtree Photography back in Muncie. I really like the people who work there and they respect me a lot. I don't mind driving back to Muncie, it's just that I usually only know on a short notice that he needs my help, and it's usually too late.

Finally, there is Gamestop. This is basically the same job that I've had for the last several years. Working at CD Land and owning my own store make this job REAL easy. It's not a lot of hours, and doesn't pay too well, but I enjoy the work. I think that's why I didn't want to work at Walgreens. It just didn't seem like I was going to enjoy working there.

My life right now is: wait until August. Everything seems like it will be coming together then. School will be starting and I will be teaching. I'll have enough money to get an apartment and get some of my bills paid off. August will be really nice, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. There is so much I want to do (school wise), that I feel like I'm just sitting on my hands this summer. I could probably be out, working on something, but I don't feel motivated to get out there and do it. I have a whole book of ideas written down for projects I want to do, but the lack of motivation makes them nothing more then notes on some pieces of paper.

I know this will all turn around come August, but August seems so far away. But you know me, come August I'll probably be bitching about how much school sucks... go figure!

Just For You

MR. T EXPERIENCE - King Dork

I don't have much to offer
or anything at all
I look like death warmed over
you're like a living doll
Okay, I may be the worst that you have seen
But I'm King Dork and I want you to be my Queen, e-een, e-een, whoa-o
I'm King Dork and I want you to be my Queen

You're too dear to put a price on
and when I talk to you
You're more than Monty Python
Star Trek or Dr. Who
You're much more than
MST3K or D&D yeah

I'm King Dork and I want you to be with me, e-ee, e-ee, whoa-o
I'm King Dork and I want you to be with me-e-e-e-e.

Once you get used to it
Maybe you can love me just a little bit
Would that be, such a catastrophe?
So don't start screaming yet
Just lower your standards and get set
Whatever it takes, however it has to be

Those other girls can't stand me
There's none as fair as you
But if they see you and me
It might embarass you
So we'll go where they will never see you

I'm King Dork and I want you to be with me, e-ee, e-ee, whoa-o
I'm King Dork and I want you to be my
I'm King Dork and I want you to be my
I'm King Dork and I want you to be my Queen

I Don't Know

I don't know if I can feel anything. I'm in such a strange mood right now that I can't say what I'm feeling. It's kind of like an emptiness, but with a touch of boredom, and maybe a little longing. I feel like I need to be doing something. Maybe it's the feeling that I'm loosing control. Maybe there is such a thing as fate. Maybe my life is predestined. I don't know. There is so much going on in my head right now that it's getting harder and harder to think clearly. I need to get out of here. I need to live on my own. I need to be doing something with my life. I need... I need a lot of things...

Some of these things in my head are really bugging the hell out of me. They're thoughts that I shouldn't be having because I don't have the right to have these thoughts. Things are the way they are, I can't change that. Life is complicated right now. I wish I had the answer. I really, really do wish I had the answer, but I don't. I guess things just need to happen on their own. It's that fate thing again, and damn it, I hate it. I want things to be easy, but nothing like this is easy. Life is not easy. Is it only hard now because it will be easier later? There isn't always a straight answer, which I think is the hardest part. No matter what path we choose in life, there is always going to be the question of "what if?" Sure, sometimes in life, you might get a second chance to take the other path, but that doesn't always happen. Decisions are hard, and living with the choices we make is even harder, whether good or bad. Does it get easier? Probably not, but I'm a pessimist, so what do I know.

I know what I want in life. I want her...

I Think This Says It All

2:45 AM

I'm sitting here at 2:45 in the morning. It's too hot and I don't feel like sleeping right at the moment. I just got and email saying someone tried to change my email address on my credit card account. I don't know who would do that, but I fucking hate it when people "hack" my accounts. So I went and changed my password and such, but I don't think it worked. I don't know, I might have to call them in the morning. This only happened one other time with my AIM screenname, but luckly I got that all cleared up.

It's now 2:49 in the morning, and I think I'll go back to bed.

Goodnight...