I Don't Know

I don't know if I can feel anything. I'm in such a strange mood right now that I can't say what I'm feeling. It's kind of like an emptiness, but with a touch of boredom, and maybe a little longing. I feel like I need to be doing something. Maybe it's the feeling that I'm loosing control. Maybe there is such a thing as fate. Maybe my life is predestined. I don't know. There is so much going on in my head right now that it's getting harder and harder to think clearly. I need to get out of here. I need to live on my own. I need to be doing something with my life. I need... I need a lot of things...

Some of these things in my head are really bugging the hell out of me. They're thoughts that I shouldn't be having because I don't have the right to have these thoughts. Things are the way they are, I can't change that. Life is complicated right now. I wish I had the answer. I really, really do wish I had the answer, but I don't. I guess things just need to happen on their own. It's that fate thing again, and damn it, I hate it. I want things to be easy, but nothing like this is easy. Life is not easy. Is it only hard now because it will be easier later? There isn't always a straight answer, which I think is the hardest part. No matter what path we choose in life, there is always going to be the question of "what if?" Sure, sometimes in life, you might get a second chance to take the other path, but that doesn't always happen. Decisions are hard, and living with the choices we make is even harder, whether good or bad. Does it get easier? Probably not, but I'm a pessimist, so what do I know.

I know what I want in life. I want her...