Can't Think of Anything

I'm realizing more and more that my BLOG is just a place for me to complain...

Stress is a bitch. If it's not one thing on my mind, it's like 10 different things. From money problems, to work, to family, to love, and even problems I have with myself, it's all taking over. I don't know why I let so much get to me, I know I don't have control over a lot of things in my life, which is another problem in itself. I always thought that I could handle anything. I usually do. But right now, things are tough. I'm not overworked, but I feel like it. I'm barely working as it is, maybe that's the problem. I need to get out more and do something. I'm hating myself for sitting in front of this computer so much recently. I am trying to make an effort to get out more, but it's still not enough. Most of my friends are gone for the summer, so there is no one to go out with and do anything. When you add in the fact that I don't have any money anyway, going out seems like an impossible dream. There is so much that I want to do, and people that I want to spend time with, but it's hard to think like that when the people you want to spend time aren't here.

There is this feeling in my stomach that isn't going away. It's probably an ulser. I'm such a pessimist and I don't see a happy ending to all of this. I'm trying to be an optimist about certain aspects of my life, but it's hard when you've been in certain situation before and they turn out the same way. I have to hold on to hope, because if I don't, I don't know what's left. Hope right now is what keeps me going. Things will work out. Things will get better. I have to keep that thought in the front of my mind all day long, but everyday things don't get better, it's like a punch in the stomach. I hate to bring up a tired subject... actually, I don't think I will. There are so many thoughts in my head right now, and every once in a while, one of them sits up and starts screaming. I think I need to start seeing a shrink. I really think it might help with a lot of the issues that I'm having. Once August comes around, I'll be able to get into some sessions through the school. I'm usually pretty open about talking with these kind of things with people, but right now I'm really closed off. I'm afraid I might scare some people off, which is the last thing I want to do right now. I know it's stupid and I should be able to talk about it, but I'm not even sure if the thoughts I'm having are really what I'm feeling.

I've had a lot of problems in the past like this. This isn't a new problem. It's one that's been with my for a long time. I don't know how to make it go away. I THINK I know, but if that's really true, why do I still feel like this?

Sorry... I stopped to think things out. There I go, thinking again. I should be writing out what I'm thinking, but like I said, I don't think I can, not right now. There is one thing right now. I'm holding on to ONE thing. Life cannot be lived by hanging on to ONE thing, can it? Is it as simple as that? Can one thing be so important? I can't answer that right now, but I do know that I don't want to loose that one thing, because right now, it is that important.