Slow News Day

I feel the need to write something in here, although nothing has really happened lately. I'm a LOT lessed stressed. I haven't found a job yet, but I've got several leads. I scheduled classes today and signed up for my assistantship, so I'm officially a student again. I can't wait until the semester starts. It's going to feel good doing something productive again. I'm pretty much just going to be teaching and having class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with one class Monday nights. So, from one standpoint, my semester shouldn't be too hard. But from the other... it is Grad School, so it's probably going to be tough. I'll start posting more as things start happening, but right now, it's just the job search.

I've Moved

So I went through with it. I moved out today, and now here I am, back in Lafayette. Do I have any regrets? No. I did what I needed to do. Do I feel bad? I feel horrible. I am a VERY bad person. I hate myself. I really didn't want it to end this way, but I would have hated myself even more had I not done it. Jason's parents and I spoke about the situation, and they were pretty angry at first, but they seem to not be so angry with me afterwards. His mother hugged me and his father shook my hand and told me "good luck." I don't really know what that means, but I hope it means that things will be okay... at least with them. Jason and I haven't spoken yet, and I'm not even sure if we will. His parents seemed pretty against the idea of closing the store, so they may have an idea about how to keep it open. I'm sure I will find out soon. If they close it... I'm getting sued. If they keep it open... then I may not here anything on the "legal front" for a while.

I don't have broadband here at home and I'm currently using an AOL internet connection. I hate AOL, but I have no choice right now. As soon as I get a job, save up some money, I'll try and get the ol' broadband going, but for now... that's a no.

Speaking of jobs, does anybody know anyone hiring here in Lafayette? I need something full-time that pays decent, nothing too spectacular. I just need something to start getting my bills paid again. I've been thinking of working at a factory or something like that for the time being. I don't really know yet. The journey for a new job starts tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Anybody Know A Good Lawyer?

So I did it. I told Jason I was leaving. And guess what... it's going to get ugly. As stated above, does anybody know a good lawyer? I needed a corporate business lawyer and a bankruptcy attorney. You see, because I'm leaving the business, I'm going to have to declare bankruptcy. And, at the same time, I'm going to be fighting Jason in court as he tries to get... oh... I don't know... $80,000 out of me. Yeah, this is going to be fun.

I'll be moving back to Lafayette tomorrow while Jason is here at the store. I guess I should mention that when I did talk with Jason, I caved. I gave in. I know I should have stood my ground, but I'm weak. I'm not a strong enough of a person to deal with this. Basically, here is what Jason had to say about it:

• "Fuck you, you're staying here and your life means nothing. All I care about it money and myself. I'm not going to close this place and you're going to stay here and do all the work to make this place work. We can hire somebody, but we'll have to pay for them out of our own pocket. This is a business, and it's not going to be easy, and you can't give up. It's smarter to stay open for another two years then to close now and pay rent on a place that we aren't even in. I'm only 23 and I am not going to declare bankruptcy. This business is the both of us, which means if you leave, I'm closing, and I'm going to sue your ass for everything you have. Fuck you and I hope you die."

Granted, he does make some good points, but the simple fact that he doesn't really care what happens to me as long he gets his way is just wrong. I told him that if he decided to close the store, that I would help as much as possible, but he didn't like that answer. He basically told me that I'm not allowed to leave. I am an adult and I can do whatever the fuck I wish. Not only that, but I told him that I am so unhappy here that I was willing to take on the $80,000 of debt if it meant not living here any longer. But this is Jason, so I'll say it again; he only cares about getting his way.

So I caved in. I told him that I would work harder and be "proactive" while I'm here at the store. After we got done talking, I called my sister. She convinced me that I just need to leave, and say "screw Jason." She basically said that if I'm really this unhappy, that staying any longer is just going to make things worse. It's not going to get better no matter how much Jason thinks it will. I know that leaving like I'm going to is going to be REALLY bad, because it's only going to piss him off more, but like I said, I'm weak and I can't confront Jason again. I know if I don't leave now, I'm never going to leave, and that is not an option. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

This summer is going to be bad. Not only am I going to have to find a job to try and start paying my bills again, but I'll have all summer to deal with all the court stuff. According to our accountant, I'm not liable for any of the corporate debt. Jason will probably try and fight me on this. It's not that I don't want to pay him back; I just can't do it right now. Then there is the issue of the lease. It's $2,000 a month. Jason and I are both guarantees on the lease. They'll be coming after us for that money... too bad I'm broke (that's where the bankruptcy comes in). My focus right now is getting my life back on track. Going to school is important to me, and I'm not going to give that up for this fucked up business.

I really appreciate all the support my friends and family have been giving me, and hopefully the continued support you will give to me in the coming months. I know I am doing the right thing for me, but it just feels so bad. I am a horrible person.

I don't have an internet connection at home, so this will probably be the last post for a little while.

So, to recap:

• Sunday - Move back to Lafayette
• Monday - Call lawyers, call ADM property management, call Crabtree Photography, close old bank account, open new bank account, look for a job
• Tuesday - Call accountant, get copy of corporate taxes, look for a job
• Wednesday - Pray that I make it through all this...

Talk About Motivation

Let me tell you about this guy named Chris. He's a business owner. He's my boss (at my second job). He's a photographer. He's self-employed. He's got to be one of the greatest guys I know. Just when I thought the chips were down, he comes in, and completely turns things around. Chris is the kind of guy who believes in fighting for you dreams, living everyday to its fullest, and doing things that make you excited to live. I have been struggling with this god-damn decision about this business for months now, and with just talking to him for a half hour, I am ready to do this. I'm ready to tell it how it is, and I'm ready to head back. Right now, my life is miserable. This place isn't good for me, but this whole time, I've been worrying about how Jason would take it... well... fuck Jason. It's time for me to do something for just me. I'm never going to be happy if I stay here. I need to do what's right for me, and that's grad school and that's Lafayette. I don't belong here and I never should have come. I know it's my own fault for getting into this, and now is the time to get myself out. To quote Eric Cartman:

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Sucker Punch

So I went home a for the day yesterday. It was great, even though I spent most of my time doing work for other people. I went in to the photo lab at Purdue to say "hi" and see what was going on. I ran into my friend Kiley, who I hadn't seen in a year, and she quietly pulled my into the gallery to help construct a show for another grad student. Then, she needed a ride to go pick up some supplies. I agreed to help, again. What was meant to be a short trip to say "hi" turned into a four hour work session.

It was fun though.

Then, when I finally arrived back home, I had to help my aunt pack. She recently moved to Lafayette from Arizona, but now she's going back. So I helped with that for about three or four hours and finally got to take a break. My family ended up cooking some steaks and sitting out by the fire, throwing back a few cold ones.

It was great.

Now I'm back in Muncie.

This is not great.

Today is the day that I'm going to talk to my business partner and tell him that I'm leaving. I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to be leaving, but it could be as soon as later today. After going back home, I really don't know how much longer I can function in this town. As soon as I got back this morning, a wave of stress swept over me, the same wave that left me just days ago as I returned home. This place isn't good for my health or my sanity. In all honesty, I want to just close up shop, pack my stuff, and leave tonight. But as the same time, I don't want to be a complete asshole about this. I may just have to suck it up, and be the villain. I don't know yet.

The general consensus thinks that I need to do just that: pack up and leave. But it's hard for me. I'm too much of a nice guy, and I really don't like confrontation. I guess it's just time for me to step up, and do what I think needs to be done. Wish me luck.

Major Flaw In Doom 3

While Doom 3 has been very enjoyable so far, I have come across one MAJOR flaw in the game, but I have to give you a little history lesson first. In the original Doom games, almost everyone who played the game, used cheat codes. IDDQD, IDFA, IDKFA, IDCLIP, and so on. These codes made the game extremely easy to beat. Well, Doom 3 has the same codes. I decided to play with the codes, just so I could mess around in some of the levels without fear of dying.

I did, and it was fun. The cheat codes aren't the problem because there is still challenge in trying to kill the various bad guys. But that was before I came across the chainsaw...

Not only does the chainsaw kill everything on instant contact, but it takes away all the skill. I just played an entire level, just running around with the chainsaw, with no codes, and it was easier then anything I had encountered before. This is a BIG problem. I can't figure out why the developers would put such a devastating weapon so early on in the game. Even without the cheat codes, the chainsaw itself makes the game painfully easy. I'm hoping that the enemies will be stronger the more I progress, because this could totally kill the experience for me. Now, I know you're thinking to yourself, "if it's really ruining the game that much, why don't you just NOT use the chainsaw?" Well, there are two reasons. The first one being that the chainsaw is just that cool. The combination of the sound of buzzing and the splatter of body parts make it irresistible to use. The second reason being that ammo for the other weapons in the game is just plan hard to find, so you're basically left with the chainsaw anyway. I'll say it again, this is a MAJOR flaw... More as it develops.

I Think I'm Having A Panic Attack

What he said...