I'm looking for purpose in my life. I didn't want to work at Walgreens. I want to be a photographer, simple as that. I'm sitting here looking at my mess of a portfolio, and that's all I want to work on. I don't want to develop other people's pictures. I want to work on my own. I want to have this great and ORGANIZED portfolio. I know that I really need the money that I would get working at Walgreens, but not at the cost of my own happiness. I mean, I still am working at the library, and I'll be working a couple of weddings in the next couple of weeks, so I will have SOME money, just not enough. I really just want school to start so that I can get back to what I do best.
On top of all this, I really want to get a place of my own. I think it's just the right thing for me now. If I lived at home, I'd be saving all kinds of money, but it's just not what I want to do. Apparently, I just want to be poor. I think I would much rather live on my own, living on a tight budget, then living at home with plently of money (although, without a job, there's not really any money anyway). I'll have money once I start teaching, it's just the waiting is really getting to me. I mean, it's still two and a half months until school starts, and I'm broke. I really wanted to have a good amount of money saved up before school started, but at this rate, I'll basically have nothing saved, which makes getting an apartment pretty hard.
I feel lost. So many things have happened recently that, while I know what I want, I just don't know how to achieve my goals. I want to be a teacher. I want to be a photographer. I want to live on my own. But I don't know how to get these things right now. I think that I'm too focused on what I want, rather then thinking really hard about how to get them. Plus, I'm lonely as hell now, and there's definently nothing I can do about that. I don't think I've ever felt this alone. I don't know what to do...
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