Slow News Day

I feel the need to write something in here, although nothing has really happened lately. I'm a LOT lessed stressed. I haven't found a job yet, but I've got several leads. I scheduled classes today and signed up for my assistantship, so I'm officially a student again. I can't wait until the semester starts. It's going to feel good doing something productive again. I'm pretty much just going to be teaching and having class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with one class Monday nights. So, from one standpoint, my semester shouldn't be too hard. But from the other... it is Grad School, so it's probably going to be tough. I'll start posting more as things start happening, but right now, it's just the job search.

I've Moved

So I went through with it. I moved out today, and now here I am, back in Lafayette. Do I have any regrets? No. I did what I needed to do. Do I feel bad? I feel horrible. I am a VERY bad person. I hate myself. I really didn't want it to end this way, but I would have hated myself even more had I not done it. Jason's parents and I spoke about the situation, and they were pretty angry at first, but they seem to not be so angry with me afterwards. His mother hugged me and his father shook my hand and told me "good luck." I don't really know what that means, but I hope it means that things will be okay... at least with them. Jason and I haven't spoken yet, and I'm not even sure if we will. His parents seemed pretty against the idea of closing the store, so they may have an idea about how to keep it open. I'm sure I will find out soon. If they close it... I'm getting sued. If they keep it open... then I may not here anything on the "legal front" for a while.

I don't have broadband here at home and I'm currently using an AOL internet connection. I hate AOL, but I have no choice right now. As soon as I get a job, save up some money, I'll try and get the ol' broadband going, but for now... that's a no.

Speaking of jobs, does anybody know anyone hiring here in Lafayette? I need something full-time that pays decent, nothing too spectacular. I just need something to start getting my bills paid again. I've been thinking of working at a factory or something like that for the time being. I don't really know yet. The journey for a new job starts tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Anybody Know A Good Lawyer?

So I did it. I told Jason I was leaving. And guess what... it's going to get ugly. As stated above, does anybody know a good lawyer? I needed a corporate business lawyer and a bankruptcy attorney. You see, because I'm leaving the business, I'm going to have to declare bankruptcy. And, at the same time, I'm going to be fighting Jason in court as he tries to get... oh... I don't know... $80,000 out of me. Yeah, this is going to be fun.

I'll be moving back to Lafayette tomorrow while Jason is here at the store. I guess I should mention that when I did talk with Jason, I caved. I gave in. I know I should have stood my ground, but I'm weak. I'm not a strong enough of a person to deal with this. Basically, here is what Jason had to say about it:

• "Fuck you, you're staying here and your life means nothing. All I care about it money and myself. I'm not going to close this place and you're going to stay here and do all the work to make this place work. We can hire somebody, but we'll have to pay for them out of our own pocket. This is a business, and it's not going to be easy, and you can't give up. It's smarter to stay open for another two years then to close now and pay rent on a place that we aren't even in. I'm only 23 and I am not going to declare bankruptcy. This business is the both of us, which means if you leave, I'm closing, and I'm going to sue your ass for everything you have. Fuck you and I hope you die."

Granted, he does make some good points, but the simple fact that he doesn't really care what happens to me as long he gets his way is just wrong. I told him that if he decided to close the store, that I would help as much as possible, but he didn't like that answer. He basically told me that I'm not allowed to leave. I am an adult and I can do whatever the fuck I wish. Not only that, but I told him that I am so unhappy here that I was willing to take on the $80,000 of debt if it meant not living here any longer. But this is Jason, so I'll say it again; he only cares about getting his way.

So I caved in. I told him that I would work harder and be "proactive" while I'm here at the store. After we got done talking, I called my sister. She convinced me that I just need to leave, and say "screw Jason." She basically said that if I'm really this unhappy, that staying any longer is just going to make things worse. It's not going to get better no matter how much Jason thinks it will. I know that leaving like I'm going to is going to be REALLY bad, because it's only going to piss him off more, but like I said, I'm weak and I can't confront Jason again. I know if I don't leave now, I'm never going to leave, and that is not an option. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

This summer is going to be bad. Not only am I going to have to find a job to try and start paying my bills again, but I'll have all summer to deal with all the court stuff. According to our accountant, I'm not liable for any of the corporate debt. Jason will probably try and fight me on this. It's not that I don't want to pay him back; I just can't do it right now. Then there is the issue of the lease. It's $2,000 a month. Jason and I are both guarantees on the lease. They'll be coming after us for that money... too bad I'm broke (that's where the bankruptcy comes in). My focus right now is getting my life back on track. Going to school is important to me, and I'm not going to give that up for this fucked up business.

I really appreciate all the support my friends and family have been giving me, and hopefully the continued support you will give to me in the coming months. I know I am doing the right thing for me, but it just feels so bad. I am a horrible person.

I don't have an internet connection at home, so this will probably be the last post for a little while.

So, to recap:

• Sunday - Move back to Lafayette
• Monday - Call lawyers, call ADM property management, call Crabtree Photography, close old bank account, open new bank account, look for a job
• Tuesday - Call accountant, get copy of corporate taxes, look for a job
• Wednesday - Pray that I make it through all this...

Talk About Motivation

Let me tell you about this guy named Chris. He's a business owner. He's my boss (at my second job). He's a photographer. He's self-employed. He's got to be one of the greatest guys I know. Just when I thought the chips were down, he comes in, and completely turns things around. Chris is the kind of guy who believes in fighting for you dreams, living everyday to its fullest, and doing things that make you excited to live. I have been struggling with this god-damn decision about this business for months now, and with just talking to him for a half hour, I am ready to do this. I'm ready to tell it how it is, and I'm ready to head back. Right now, my life is miserable. This place isn't good for me, but this whole time, I've been worrying about how Jason would take it... well... fuck Jason. It's time for me to do something for just me. I'm never going to be happy if I stay here. I need to do what's right for me, and that's grad school and that's Lafayette. I don't belong here and I never should have come. I know it's my own fault for getting into this, and now is the time to get myself out. To quote Eric Cartman:

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Sucker Punch

So I went home a for the day yesterday. It was great, even though I spent most of my time doing work for other people. I went in to the photo lab at Purdue to say "hi" and see what was going on. I ran into my friend Kiley, who I hadn't seen in a year, and she quietly pulled my into the gallery to help construct a show for another grad student. Then, she needed a ride to go pick up some supplies. I agreed to help, again. What was meant to be a short trip to say "hi" turned into a four hour work session.

It was fun though.

Then, when I finally arrived back home, I had to help my aunt pack. She recently moved to Lafayette from Arizona, but now she's going back. So I helped with that for about three or four hours and finally got to take a break. My family ended up cooking some steaks and sitting out by the fire, throwing back a few cold ones.

It was great.

Now I'm back in Muncie.

This is not great.

Today is the day that I'm going to talk to my business partner and tell him that I'm leaving. I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to be leaving, but it could be as soon as later today. After going back home, I really don't know how much longer I can function in this town. As soon as I got back this morning, a wave of stress swept over me, the same wave that left me just days ago as I returned home. This place isn't good for my health or my sanity. In all honesty, I want to just close up shop, pack my stuff, and leave tonight. But as the same time, I don't want to be a complete asshole about this. I may just have to suck it up, and be the villain. I don't know yet.

The general consensus thinks that I need to do just that: pack up and leave. But it's hard for me. I'm too much of a nice guy, and I really don't like confrontation. I guess it's just time for me to step up, and do what I think needs to be done. Wish me luck.

Major Flaw In Doom 3

While Doom 3 has been very enjoyable so far, I have come across one MAJOR flaw in the game, but I have to give you a little history lesson first. In the original Doom games, almost everyone who played the game, used cheat codes. IDDQD, IDFA, IDKFA, IDCLIP, and so on. These codes made the game extremely easy to beat. Well, Doom 3 has the same codes. I decided to play with the codes, just so I could mess around in some of the levels without fear of dying.

I did, and it was fun. The cheat codes aren't the problem because there is still challenge in trying to kill the various bad guys. But that was before I came across the chainsaw...

Not only does the chainsaw kill everything on instant contact, but it takes away all the skill. I just played an entire level, just running around with the chainsaw, with no codes, and it was easier then anything I had encountered before. This is a BIG problem. I can't figure out why the developers would put such a devastating weapon so early on in the game. Even without the cheat codes, the chainsaw itself makes the game painfully easy. I'm hoping that the enemies will be stronger the more I progress, because this could totally kill the experience for me. Now, I know you're thinking to yourself, "if it's really ruining the game that much, why don't you just NOT use the chainsaw?" Well, there are two reasons. The first one being that the chainsaw is just that cool. The combination of the sound of buzzing and the splatter of body parts make it irresistible to use. The second reason being that ammo for the other weapons in the game is just plan hard to find, so you're basically left with the chainsaw anyway. I'll say it again, this is a MAJOR flaw... More as it develops.

I Think I'm Having A Panic Attack

What he said...

Medeski, Martin and Wood

Medeski, Martin and Wood is a three-man "jazz" ensemble. The reason I put jazz in quotations is that they aren't really jazz per say, it's kind of experimental stuff. It's a little bit jazz, a little bit underground, a little bit techno, all instrumental. I heard about them a couple of years ago, but never really listen to any of their albums. For whatever reason, I recently came back to their stuff, and boy am I glad I did. This is great music!

Their music just screams COOL. It's very "hip" stuff. You can dance to it, you can relax to it, you could probably even mosh to it. I know I'm throwing a lot of words out there, but it's very hard to describe. Think about the score to Ocean's Eleven, then you might get an idea of what they sound like. Take my advice, go *cough* buy *cough* one of their albums, you won't regret it.

deviantART

I just wanted to let everyone know that I now have a page on deviantART. I'll be posting more and more of my work there as I get closer to going back to school. The whole idea behind deviantART
is pretty cool. It's a good way to get your "artistic" work out there for countless others to see. I'll put a direct link to my page on the sidebar.

Enjoy!

Curse Words

I'm trying to decide what makes a curse word so bad that, especially in the music industry, you have to have a parental advisory. For one thing, they are just words. Shit. Fuck. Bitch. The words themselves don't really hurt anybody, it's the context in which the words are used. I'm sitting here, listening to The Prodigy album Fat of the Land.

Now this album had a parental advisory sticker on it, and, while I understand the song "Smack My Bitch Up" could be considered offensive, I don't see why a minor shouldn't be allowed to purchase this item. The only other track that I can think of that even has naughty launguage in it is the song "Funky Shit", but the context in which the word shit is used, is not offensive; "Oh my god, that's the funky shit." If anything, I think that's positive.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that censorship is crap. Fuck.

Oh yeah, and A LOT of people eat at Subway..... Shit.

Karate Sphincter Boy - Wood?

- Seth Vaughn
2/28/2005

Death Clock and Doom 3

Did you know that being pessimistic takes 20 years off of your life expectancy? 20 YEARS! Being a smoker doesn't even take that many years off! Of course, this is according to the Death Clock, and we all know how reliable that is.

Meanwhile, I finally got Doom 3 last night. I went to the store, just to kill time and see if maybe they had the collector's edition, and of course, they did.

I had to live two days without the game, but it was well worth
it. Not only is the game a marvel to look at, it's classic Doom
all the way. Some may say that Doom is too primitive in today's
world of FPS games, but I'm a bit of a traditionalist. Doom
really started the FPS genre, and I'm glad that it has stayed close to
it's roots. It's your basic run and gun kind of a game, nothing
too complex. But the best part is... it's scary as Hell,
literally.

Picture if you will: You walk into a well lit room.
Everything seems fine, no harm will come to you... then, all of a
sudden, the lights go out. You whip out your flashlight just to
see what may be lurking in the dark. You can't see anything, but
you can hear everything. You turn quickly, just to have your face
slashed off by a spawn a Satan. You put your flashlight away,
revealing the darkness again, pull out your gun, and fire away.
The lights come back on, and you are standing over the corpse of said
spawn. That, ladies and gentleman, is Doom 3. God I love it.

Graduate School

I've been holding off writing anything about grad school in here, but I think it's time to talk about it. I was recently accepted to attend grad school in the fall at Purdue University. On top of that, I've also been given a teaching assistantship, which is awesome. I'll most likely be teaching a beginning photo class, or even possibly beginning design. I won't know until closer to the beginning of school. Of course I'll be taking classes as well. I'll still be focusing on photography and related media; the related media meaning video, website design, and such. I am VERY excited to say the least. I'm not sure if I'm more excited about simply being back in school, or about teaching. If I had to pick, it would probably be the teaching. Over the last couple of years, I've taken a major interest in being a college level professor, and this is just the first step. I've already started thinking about a curriculum and how I want to teach my class. It's going to be an interested experience.

The reason why I only bring this up now is the fact that, in case you don't know, I currently own a business with a friend of mine. I didn't want to make a decision about grad school until I was that the business was going one way or the other. So far, this business just isn't working for me. I'm making no money, not paying my bills, and barely eating. This is no way to live, but I've stuck through it, until now. I've gotten to the point where I just can't physically and mentally do it anymore. It's simply not my life's purpose to run this business. I see that now, and I only wish I had seen that a year ago. I know that I'll come out stronger and smarter because of this, but for now, I really just need to walk away.

I feel really bad about putting my business partner in this position, but there really isn't a choice anymore. He and I just don't see eye to eye on things. Plus, he is currently working a second job to try and make ends meet, and I'm stuck here, with not free time to go out and try and make a living. I AM working a second job, a really good one in fact. This other job would be a great job, if only I could work there more often. As it stands now, I work MAYBE once a week, not even making enough money to cover my increasingly late bills. I wish things could have turned out better here in Muncie, but they just didn't. It's time for me to move on, and I only hope I'm making the right decision.

Woo Hoo!

I have auto insurance again!!! WOOHOO FOR TAX RETURNS!!! That's one less stressful thing to be worrying about.

I hope everyone has been enjoying Weezer Jam Session.
I've been playing it all morning. I know it's only two songs, but
I'm addicted. There's also another game that I found that it's
pretty cool as well. It's called Kitten Cannon.

The basic object of the game is to shoot the kitten as far as
possible. Current high scores are over 3,000 ft. My highest
so far has only been 731 ft. Let me know how far you can get.

Weezer Jam Session

I found this link to a game called Weezer Jam Session. It's a simple little flash game based off Nintendo's Donkey Konga. Fun times, check it out.

I found my map by the way... ;o)

Okay, Time To Write Something

It's funny how certain music, combined with the right kind of setting, can bring back feelings and emotions of old. As I sit here, I'm reminded of the comfort once accompanied by said music and setting. This has been happening a lot recently with the weather being the way it has. I'm reminded of the good days of my senior year in college. Sitting outside at Pete's, cheering on two strangers kissing nearby. It's those things I miss. Life was easy back then (funny thing is, it was only a year ago). I think I miss the comfort of knowing that my life was easy. Sure, exams, projects, term papers; that all sucked. But still, that kind of stuff is a lot easier then worrying about how you are going to pay your next student loan payment, or how you are going to afford food for the next week. College was great.

I've recently started working with a couple of girls at my other job. Nikki is a freshman at Ball State and Kendra is a Sophomore. It's refreshing to see them talk to each other about their lives and the problems they face everyday at school. I don't really know how to describe it, but, one the one hand, I feel like I could be these girl's mentor of sorts. I've lived through everything they're living right now and I want to encourage them enjoy college while it's still happening. But at the same time, I feel old talking with them for the same reasons. It's strange hearing them trying to figure how to deal with their problems, when they don't even know what living in the real world is like. I think I may have been spoiled by the college experience.

I got use to the easy life, and while I think I've made the "transition" to adulthood, I think I should have prepared myself better. I made some wrong choices right out of college. Instead of going with my gut, I tried to think too rationally about things (ex. thinking like an adult when I wasn't). I was trying to figure out my future when I hadn't even figured out my present. That is a common mistake I think people make right out of school. You think to yourself:

"Alright, school's over... time to get a job, buy a house, start a family, etc."

But really, you should be thinking to yourself:

"What do I need to DO to get to the point where I can start thinking about a career, a house, a family, etc."

I skipped that step.

I've learned a lot from my experience here in Muncie. I know it probably sounds cliche, but I grew up too fast. I had a plan, I just went a different route, and now I'm lost. If only I could find that damn map...

The Waiting

I'm trying to figure out whether or not to do several small updates during the day, or just save everything till the end of the day and make one BIG post. While I sit here in the store, a lot of thoughts go through my head, stuff that I think I should post, but I'm afraid that if I wait till the end of the day, I'm going to forget stuff. But at the same time, I don't want to become too addicted to blogging (I think that may already be too late).

The weather has been really great recently and it would be great to get out and enjoy it once in a while. Granted, that doesn't really sound like something I would normally do, but the weather here in Muncie has been pretty shitty most of the time, so it's a nice change of pace. I wonder how long it's going to last...

Why, Oh Why, Doom 3?

I left work today, excited about picking up a copy of "Doom 3"
for myself. I drove home, grabbed a few games and movies to
trade-in at my local Blockbuster, and began my journey. Upon
arriving at Blockbuster, I traded in my stuff and received about $74 in
store credit, more then enough to purchase a copy of Doom 3: Collector's Edition, retail price $59.99.

Isn't it pretty? I thought so. Anyway, I started looking
around the store for my soon-to-be copy, only to find nothing. I
asked the clerk at the register if they had any copies in stock.
He looked it up on the computer and found that there were two
left. So began the great search... The clerk checked
everywhere, even having another employee looking as well. Let's
just say he found nothing. After looking at the computer again,
turns out that the two remaining copies were pre-ordered by store
employees. Those bitches!

I asked him to call the other local Blockbuster to see if they had a
copy as well. Same situation. They had copies, but were
holding them for employees. DOUBLE BITCHES! I left the
store, saddened by the fact that, as lame as it may sound, the game I
had been looking forward to for over a year now would not be played by
me, tonight. When I got home, it hit me... why not call the
Blockbusters in nearby town (i.e. Anderson, New Castle, Gas
City). But, as hard as I tried, I did not succeed. I guess
it was not meant to be, but for tonight, I do not own... Doom 3.

BUT, let it be known, I will own Doom 3, and as soon as I get it,
impressions will be posted... I can't wait to kill things... hehehehehe...

And on a side note, it came to my attention today that Gmail is in
fact, still in beta testing. As mentioned before, I do have 50
invites to give out if you are so inclined.

Mozilla and Gmail

I just want to encourage everyone to start using FireFox and ThunderBird. These two programs are way better then their respective counterparts (those being Internet Expoler and Outlook Express). They're free programs and open-source. DOWN WITH MICROSOFT!

Also, Google's own web-based email "Gmail" has just celebrated it's first year of existence. It's probably one of the best email services out there, plus Hotmail has been really pissing me off as of late. I'm not sure, but I think Gmail is now public (it was previously still in beta testing, and you had to be invited to use it), which means everyone can use it! If for whatever reason I am mistaken, I do have 50 invites, so if you're interested, I can hook you up.

First REAL Post... For REAL This Time

There are ups and downs in life. It's the ups that make us want to keep living, and it's the downs that make us want to die. Right now I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm not really looking forward to the future, but at the same time, I'm glad that certain things are behind me. It's kind of like... I'm a blank slate. I'm just kind of waiting for SOMETHING to happen, and when it does, maybe I will have a better idea where I am.

As I'm sure a few of you know, the movie "Sin City" came out this weekend. The movie is written and co-directed by Frank Miller. Frank has been working in the comic industry for quite a while now and has had a major impact on how comics are portrayed. From "Daredevil", to "Wolverine", to "The Dark Knight Returns", his impact is clearly visible in almost all current books. Comics just aren't for kids, and Miller really made that apparent to public perception.

The reason I bring all this up is because today while I was watching a special on Frank Miller, I remembered that I actually have an autographed issue of Wolverine Ltmd. #1 signed by Frank Miller... HOW COOL IS THAT!? I'm such a geek. I have to thank my friend Seth for that one. ;)

Speaking of Seth, he has been drawing comics for a while now, including one that he has just brought out of retirement. It's called "Karate Sphincter Boy". It's the story of a young man who thinks he's a great master of karate, when in fact... he's pathetic. It's quite funny. I'm actually trying to design a website in which to display said comic, something similar in the style of Penny Arcade (a site I suggest everyone visit at least once). Once I actually have a good amount of time to sit down and really come up with something cool, I'll post it here. The strip may actually show up here now and then, so stay tuned.

Finally, this brings me to the reason why I have created this BLOG in the first place. For starters, it's free. Sure, I could design a website, buy a domain, and pay a server to host my site, but this is just easier for now, plus it's easier to update. I plan on posting regularly about anything that interests me. I am also going to be posting some of my own writing and photography work in an attempt to get some feedback. I encourage everyone to leave a comment when you feel the need.

With that said, I say goodbye for now.