I Know

It's quiet tonight. Something uncommon here. I can hear the crickets outside, even through the walls. These tan and brown painted walls. It's calm here. I haven't felt calm in a while. Aside from this damn sinus headache, I'm well. I'm going to sleep good tonight... thanks Benadryl. A soft, quiet music is playing through my head, thinking of times I was at peace. Being alone isn't always bad, it can be relaxing, letting you clear your head of all those bad thoughts. Just taking in things around I haven't noticed before... like the crickets, the sound of bubbles in the fish tank, the way my desk lamp bathes the wall in light. The music continues. There are hard times ahead, but I'll make it through; I always do. I need to slow down in life. I'm wanting things to come too quickly, not enjoying the time now. It's a shame really. I wasted a whole day, sitting in front of this computer. It's not to say that I wasn't productive, but I could have done so much more. I could have just laid outside, in the sun, lying in the grass, watching the clouds roll by, feeling the breeze blow over me. It would have been nice. I guess there's always tomorrow; seems like I say that a lot. I'm counting down the days, but why? Are things really going to be different then? Maybe, perhaps, or not; I don't know. The question to ask isn't about difference, but if things will be better. I suspect they will be. This music is soothing. I remember times of my youth, although my youth was not long ago. Better times, carefree times. Caring is important. I do care. I don't know why I'm writing all this. I'm been so eager to get where I want to go that I'm forgetting about now, this time, not the future. It's important too. Living too far in the future can be bad and I need to bring it back to now, to this feeling I'm in now. Hold on to it; this quiet, beautiful calm. It's time to rest.