Down

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sure it has something to do with my birthday being yesterday, but I am really depressed right now. Questions of whether or not I'm every going to be happy is going through my mind. I feel that I'm stuck and going nowhere. There is so much that I want and want to do, and it's not happening.

I know life isn't suppose to be easy, but every once in a while I'd like life to throw me a bone, you know, give me a reason for living. I want to be happy. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. And then the dreams are back. Today I took a nap, and yep, nightmares. Not like horror movies nightmares, but real life nightmares.

I have never liked my birthday. They are never a time for celebration and I always feel alone. There was only one high point to my birthday this year and that was cut short.

Sometimes I think this is all there is. Sure, there are good moments, but it seems like there are more bad then good. I don't know what to do. :o(